Too tired to sleep

I’ve been a bit sporadic in writing posts. The last few days I’ve gotten real tired, well more like exhausted. I’ve been fine in the morning and early afternoon but by 5pm I’ve had it.

Don’t worry. This isn’t going to be a whiny, downer post. It takes too much energy to complain. (That was a subtle sick guy joke by the way.)

It’s kinda strange, this tiredness. I went to bed at 6:45pm today because I was too wiped to stay up, yet here I am at midnight wide awake. I don’t know for sure if it is Leuk doing this to me or if my circadian rhythms are off. I prefer to think it’s the latter.

Anyway, it got me to thinking about this tired feeling leukemia can bring on and how we should react to it.

I know many of you are worse off than me in your battles with exhaustion. I’ve been pretty lucky so far. I’m a part-time, well very part-time, writer/photographer and today was a pretty productive day. I finished up processing some photos for a client and got some writing done on my book. But about 4 o’clock it hit. You’d think I had run a marathon.

So what do we do when our day gets cut short? We could get angry I suppose but what good would that do; anger really does sap our energy. We could yell at God, but sometimes we don’t have the energy it takes to raise our voice. Or, we could just give up.

Well, in my ever-to-be-humble opinion, I think we should accept it but not give into it. I know that sounds like an oxymoron; acceptance and giving in sound like the same thing, but they’re not.

You can’t really fight something unless you recognize it’s there. Suppose there’s been a rash of burglaries in your area. You could stick your head in the sand and ignore it or you could accept that it is real and do something about it – like start a neighborhood watch program for instance.

Some people on your block might give into a double whammy: accept the problem and give up. But you are different. You stick to the single ‘whammy’: accepting that it is real but not letting it stop you from trying to fix the problem.

So, I could sit and groan and accept defeat, or I could just accept that Leuk can be a pain in the ass sometimes and go on believing I can beat him despite any symptoms he might throw at me.

I guess I’m starting to ramble here. After all it is nearly 1am now and I feel coherent thought leaving me. I think I’ll go back to bed, lie there wide awake and accept that I will be tired tomorrow. But I’m for sure not going to let Leuk win in the long run.

Good night all.